Grey’s Anatomy premiere recap: Bailey’s in charge of the interns… again

It’s almost been a year since we visited the hallowed halls of Grey Sloan Memorial. Love was in the air, Teddy (Kim Raver) was unconscious on the OR floor, and five surgical interns leaned into the chaos that often plagues young doctors on Grey’s Anatomy.

It’s no wonder that the good Dr. Nick Marsh (Scott Speedman) bursts through the doors to a meeting room and, without any emotion, asks the following question: “Which one of you am I firing?” Cue the squabbling.

Yasuda (Midori Francis) points the finger at Adams (Niko Terho), and Kwan (Harry Shum Jr.) quickly hops on board that train with a resounding, “HOME WRECKER!” You remember that Griffith (Alexis Floyd) and Adams hooked up after she left her fiancé at the altar, right? This resulted in Adams’s face being punched by the jilted groom.

Of course, there’s also the mishap with the DNR. Kwan completely ignores the medical directive of Millin’s (Adelaide Kane) elderly neighbor and saves her life, which leaves Millin both hating and loving Kwan. Not to mention the fact that a man named Sam lived through decades serving in the Air Force and a lifestyle as an adrenaline junky, only to die at the hands of two interns in this room who were ill-equipped to save his life.

Nick cuts through the bickering with a forceful cease and desist. Upon receiving a page, the handsome doctor brushes his fingers through his glorious hair and commands the interns to stay put. They are not to leave, speak, or practice medicine until he returns with a decision that just may tank the entire program.

The ICU is a flurry of activity. Everyone rallies around Teddy, who somehow has experienced a toothache that resulted in a cardiac incident. So help me, ABC, if you take this woman down with a cavity, I will wash my hands of this show faster than you can say pick me, choose me, love me.

Fortunately, Winston (Anthony Hill) is there to save the day. He’s fully capable of turning this dental nightmare into a success story. Don’t ask questions about the ins and outs of this odd storyline. Winston’s got it! And he has just enough gumption as the new chief of cardio to kick Owen (Kevin McKidd) and Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) out of his OR so he and Schmidt (Jake Borelli) can get to work.

Yasuda receives a page from Winston to report to the OR, and she has no problem answering. This sets off a chain of events, with Millin leaving to check on Maxine and Adams rushing out of the building for some air.

Even though she technically wants to follow the rules and stay put, Griffith follows Adams outside to discuss what went down the night before. No, it’s not their makeshift honeymoon in the on-call room. Get your head out of the gutter. Griffith needs them to get their stories straight on who went against all the rules and opened up Air Force Sam to save his life (or end it) when no attendings were around.

Before Adams can answer, an ambulance driver asks for help with a patient, and just as Griffith tries to explain they aren’t technically allowed to intervene, Adams jumps in the rig. Griffith has no choice but to follow. Because she loves him. And she is competing with him professionally. And we need them both in the back of the ambulance so they can become trapped together. Duh.

After 20 seasons of crazy scenarios, I’m pretty proud of the showrunners for introducing a driverless car into the episode. Naturally, it comes barreling down the hospital driveway and slams directly into the ambulance. Because the backseat passenger is beta-testing this prototype car, whom he’s affectionately named Wayne, the guy is truly confused and willing to experiment with why Wayne’s kill switch isn’t working.

This means that Wayne continues to slam into the back of the ambulance every 30 seconds. Luckily, Bailey (Chandra Wilson) and Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) are back from their Boston trip and have enough patience and energy to talk their interns through this unique situation. Between crashes, Meredith encourages Griffith and Adams to “remain calm” and “find a scalpel.” Of course, the man in the back of the ambulance is bleeding internally, and the only option is for Adams to cut him open while Griffith jams her hand in the man’s gut to use her fingers to stop the bleeding.

What? It’s not like she’s holding a bomb or something.

Kwan arrives a few minutes later and uses that intelligent brain of his. He picks up what looks like a screwdriver and punctures the wheels of the car. I literally did not think of that until he did it. Meredith and Bailey invite everyone to the operating room so they can save the liver man and the dude in the back of the car who is pretty banged up. Meredith knows Nick will be mad, but how else are these jokers supposed to learn unless they are wrist-deep in some man’s gut?

Meredith and Bailey aren’t the only two headed to the OR. Teddy has lost circulation in her feet, which means there’s a blood clot somewhere. Winston remains calm and sure of himself and promises Owen that he is ready. When he hears Yasuda chanting, “Please don’t die,” Winston dismisses her from his services. He doesn’t need that negative juju in his OR.

Teddy survives and even wakes up by the end of the episode, but Yasuda doesn’t contribute to any of it. In fact, she runs into Jo (Camilla Luddington) in the hallway and demands to know where she’s been. Why did she not answer her page when Air Force Sam was dying?

It’s hella awkward for us because we know that Jo was discovering her feelings for Link (Chris Carmack) when she missed that page. One man died so Jink could be born. I’m both sad and elated.

Meanwhile, Meredith finally speaks to Nick about the state of the interns (give them a second chance) and the future of her job. Catherine Fox (Debbie Allen) did not like that she decided to blow the roof off of her current Alzheimer’s research, claiming that the medical community is looking in the wrong place for a cure. Meredith tells Nick that she can either keep her head down and continue in Boston or quit entirely.

Meredith makes it look like she is giving in and playing by the rules with Catherine (Debbie Allen). Instead, Meredith passes all of her research to Amelia and asks her to continue the cause. But she must keep it a secret.

Speaking of secrets, I’m happy to report that Richard (James Pickens Jr.) did not drink the gin and tonic he was holding the last time we saw him. And Millin decides to lie to Kwan and pretend that her outburst of both loving and hating him was nothing more than adrenaline. Kwan agrees that they should end it so things aren’t weird.

Just as I’m betting that things get weird in an upcoming episode, all the interns receive a page from Nick. Once everyone is settled in the room of doom, Nick rips the Band-Aid and tells them that they are not fired. The program will indeed continue, but he won’t be running it.

So, who will train these grunts who are at the bottom of the surgical food chain?

Nick smiles that boyish grin I love and opens the double doors to an ice-cold Miranda Bailey. She’s got five rules, people. Memorize them.